Chapter 7 178 Participant 7: "Well, first they said you should look at him all the time when you breastfeed him, and I just can't do that. […] I do find it occasionally quite difficult when I think, 'Oh, but what if he looks at me and I don't look back? Will it ruin him?" Personal growth Looking back on their experiences as being pregnant unintendedly, personal growth was noted in terms of declining mental health symptoms, finding a purpose in life, experiencing love in new ways and finding better ways to communicate within (partner) relationships. Participant 2 explained that she felt an urge to continue with her life for her child, even though negative emotions were still part of her daily life. "Also, that even if I am anxious or something, I still have to carry on. […] That I have to be there for her or something." (Participant 2) Looking back on her pregnancy experiences encompasses her fear at the very beginning of the pregnancy journey. "Yes, so about getting unintentionally pregnant indeed. And then I found it very scary and thought it's not the right moment. But now I really feel like I would never have wanted it any other way. I actually could have had children earlier because my body just knew it so naturally. We both feel like it has truly enriched us." (Participant 2) Participant 4 expressed surprise with the way things turned out by saying ‘ it’s funny’. She never expected this unplanned pregnancy to turn into this amount of love for her child. By calling it ‘magic’, she marks the significance of this experience. "I mean, it's, it's funny like, yeah, he was unplanned, but, like, I'm so happy that he's here. […] part of my heart is, like, now exists here and, and like, I love him so much. Like I never knew I could love this much and, like, feel this like, joy. I never felt anything like this before. Like, I really feel like I've, like, unlocked a new world of, like, internal joy and love and, like, magic that I never thought was possible." (Participant 4) Participant 7 found a positive aspect of the growth of her relationship with her partner. Her child makes her feel a need to repair after conflict, whereas in the past, she wanted to leave in conflict.
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