Chapter 7 166 always lies with the woman initially, right, when a woman is pregnant. So, um, yeah, that was a bit difficult, but well." (Partner participant 1) Impact on mental health For all women, UPs impacted their mental health during pregnancy. Moreover, UPs interfered with preexisting mental health symptoms or caused new-onset symptoms. The subthemes below describe what symptoms occurred, how they impacted women’s journeys and how they fueled a desire for professional help. Symptoms: mixed and more A range of mental health symptoms, categorized into three groups, illustrated women’s pregnancy journeys. The first group of symptoms was marked by childhood memories and fear of motherhood, as participants had negative parenting experiences during their own upbringing. For participant 2, her symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder resurfaced during pregnancy. Her childhood flashbacks caused a burden during the first trimester of pregnancy. "And that actually made me very bleak, and yeah, I felt really bleak all the time. Because I also kept having those flashbacks all the time. […] and that, I think, made it so heavy." (Participant 2) Participant 9 had vivid dreams about her upbringing. She herself commented that the resurfacing of her youth trauma subconsciously occurred, as occurred in her dreams. She mentioned before that she has difficulty verbalizing her feelings due to her childhood traumatic experiences, but in her dreams, they reappear. "I think that happens a bit subconsciously. Because I dream a lot about that [upbringing]." (Participant 9) The second group of symptoms is related to the unexpectedness of the pregnancy, which had a profound impact on participants’ mental health, especially during the first and second trimesters of the pregnancy. For participant 8, mixed emotions marked her pregnancy journey. She also expressed anger toward her partner and toward herself for letting this pregnancy happen. This anger was fueled by the fact that she had a previous UP. The words used by the participants mark these emotions.
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