Exploring UP journeys among women with psychiatric vulnerability using interpretative phenomenological analysis 165 "But if he [partner] was very negative about it, then I would have found the choice harder because then I'd think, okay, but then I'm bringing a child into the world that he never sort of asked for. So, I found that to be a big factor, how he felt about it." (Participant 7) Participant 9 also doubted that she should continue her pregnancy, as the biological father was not involved. After careful consideration together with her general practitioner, she understood that her cognitive approach to decision making was not helping her. She shared that, resulting from her youth trauma, she had difficulty verbalizing her feelings and emotions. Thus, when she found herself buying a toy, it was clear for her she wanted to become a mother. This experience was a turning point for her. When talking about it, she cried, indicating the significance of this turning point. In addition, in the last phrase, she verbalized how this turning point developed her from an individual with a dilemma to a team (she and her baby) with a new purpose: "In the meantime, of course, there's a lot going on inside you. You start weighing all sorts of considerations and, um, yeah, then I bought a little cuddly toy. So that was actually the sign for me that I couldn't... [emotional]. […] And after all sorts of questions and answers, it was just clear: this is how it's going to be and, um. And we're just going to do it together. She and I together. Yes." (Participant 9) Participant 1 and her partner shared similar thoughts on the difficulty of decision making. They pointed out how the woman is the one making the decision as she carries the pregnancy. This was a challenge for participant 1, as she wanted to maintain pregnancy. "That my partner was really like, "oh shit, but we're not ready for this." Um, which made him more inclined towards abortion in the beginning, and I had a lot of difficulty with that because I thought; yes, you can't make that choice for me, and what if we can't come to an agreement on this together? Because, well, yeah, it's in my body, I immediately felt like I have to protect this, and of course, he doesn't have that feeling." (Participant 1) For her partner, it was a challenge because he had doubts about continuing the pregnancy, but he agreed that she was in charge of the decision. "Yes, initially she was of course a bit sad that I sort of hinted in my response that I wasn't actually ready yet, or something like that. While of course, the choice actually
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