Chapter 6 130 Reflections on the decision The retrospective nature of the focus group discussions allowed 17 women to delve into reflective narratives concerning sensitive topics regarding their psychiatric disorder(s) and family planning decision-making. The importance of these reflections, amplified by their emotionally charged nature, justifies the creation of a dedicated theme to them, as they were not yet addressed by the Narrative Framework29. Table 6.4 provides several quotations belonging to this theme. Table 6.4 - Quotations belonging to the theme reflections on the decision. Regret, grief and relief 57 years, two daughters: “From the age of forty-eight, I became conscious of the fact that I have been psychiatrically vulnerable since my youth. It has cast a significant shadow over the pregnancies and childbirths.” 61 years, one daughter: “Because in 2012 my daughter, who is now 30, suffered from severe depression and she has still not recovered from it. And if I had known that in advance, I also have depression, I am also in depression now. Then she would never have been born... If I had known that she would develop such a severe depression (other participant: that you passed on). Yeah, I probably passed that on. And I find that very terrible.” 53 years, no children: “At a certain point I noticed that I had Tourette's, and there are all kinds of complaints associated with it. And then I was very happy because of heredity that I didn't do it [have a child]. It remains painful sometimes, it always remains a sore spot somewhere. Yes, very happy, and very sorry, it's just a shame sometimes.” 70 years, two sons, experienced an unintended pregnancy: “When I look back on my life, I am now seventy, those were my golden years [with the children]. It was very busy and I had to take a lot of care, having four hands at the same time, but I did it.” 59 years, no children: “Give me the box of tissues [crying and laughing]. My psychiatrist always says to me, because we have talked about it [not having children], you have taken very good care of your children. You have kept them well.” This table shows quotations belonging to the theme Reflections on the decision, grouped by the category: Regret, grief, and relief Regret, grief, and relief Reflections on family planning decisions revealed a mix of emotions experienced by the participants. Participants without children often felt grief, yet some also found relief in their decision. This illustrates the complexity of emotions within individuals. The impact of participants' psychiatric disorder(s) on family planning was central in all focus group discussions. For some women, challenges in parenting due to personal circumstances brought feelings of grief and regret. However, positive reflections on motherhood also emerged, particularly from mothers who found fulfillment in motherhood despite initially unintended pregnancies.
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