166 PART TWO: AN EMPIRICAL ACCOUNT I remember, indeed, that I did not participate in the Communion which takes place, you know, in the morning, Communion is distributed, I don’t think I participated in that when I was here for one week, because I thought, well, I don’t really understand what this is, so it’s better for me not to partake, you know, um… um, I never, indeed, discussed it with a brother, maybe things would have been different if I had, you don’t know, but, for me it was something like, I know people value this much higher than I do, so it’s better if I don’t, out of respect for others, than to, um……… when I was here, indeed, as a volunteer, you know, I did receive the Eucharist, um, Communion… (…) I had read about it, indeed, I knew more about it, and I knew better, indeed, what I consented to, but still, I could understand someone who’s like: ‘wait a minute, is that really the depth of faith required, indeed, to receive something that holy?’396 (…) Then again, there are things in which one can only grow by participating, you know {laughs}… And that’s what you see in a community, you know…397 (…) It’s impossible, indeed, to be a mere spectator, you know. You have, you have to participate, um… um…… you cannot but participate, you know, not in a forced way, but by being here, you know, you are part of the community. (…) So, yes, by being part of a community in which it is done like this, one can grow into it, you know. (…) That you should give space, indeed~ well, no, let me speak on my own behalf, that I am grateful for having been given this space to um… to grow into that. And such growth is only possible by, well, by something active, you know. You cannot only do that by theological debates {laughs}, or by… You will have to start, yes, with prayer, to advance in that unity… … …. And for me, that was something relatively natural, but that may have been because here… because I noticed, really, that what happened here may not be perfect, and I’m sure of that now, I mean, it has only been confirmed, indeed, that what we practice is not perfect… um… but that it is consistent, or that the community, indeed, it is coherent what we uh… what we do… um….398 396 TA-1,12b. 397 TA-1,14. 398 TA-1,16a.
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